Anger happens when something doesn’t go as planned, or when things don’t turn out as we think they are supposed to. It’s an important emotion, and we must deal with it appropriately.
Most people believe that anger management is a way to suppress our anger. But, that’s not healthy, and it’s not true. Actually, anger management helps us in expressing our anger in a healthy way, without losing our temper.
Kids can really get on our nerves, and parenting is maybe the most difficult job of all. We barely control ourselves not to lose our temper and yell, since they push our limits. We feel entitled to that fury. Kids tend to think they know everything and it’s hard to make them reason.
However, shouting isn’t communication, and our yelling won’t solve the problems. The kid will only get more stressed. So, we are the adults and we have to take the high road and act like ones, specifically when things get hard.
These anger management techniques can help:
- Accept your anger management process appropriately. In order to do that, you have to identify the source. Think about where all that anger comes from. Behind this anger, there may be a lot of feelings. You might feel stressed, sad, afraid, panicked, overwhelmed etc.
Find out what triggers you to yell. Anger also causes physical signs, so see what those signs are when something starts annoying you.
- Take a break when feeling too angry and frustrated. Tell your kid you aren’t able to continue the conversation and that you need a time out. Then focus on your breathing, and try to relax. Anger makes us believe that we have to act right away, but that’s almost never the case. Your kid isn’t going anywhere, so take your time to calm down; you will teach the lessons later.
- Warn your kids first. When they do something they aren’t supposed to, first give them a warning, by telling them that it’s wrong, instead of snapping at them.
- Communicate efficiently. Kids don’t respond well to yelling, it can even be counterproductive.
So, this first important thing to do is making eye contact.
Be concise, calm and use firm language. Your kids should notice that you are relaxed.
Get to the point and see that they understand. Listen to them closely. Sometimes they need to be heard and maybe they are right.
Be persistent – when asking them to do something, and they don’t, make sure not to do it yourself, because if they see you will eventually do it yourself, they won’t bother in doing it at all.
This ABC program, created by professor Alan Kazdin helps with parenting:
A. You should first get your kid ready for the task they are supposed to do later. They need to know beforehand, so they won’t forget it and understand that they have to do it.
B. Kids are like sponges, they pick up a behavior or certain gestures, and they always seek for a role model. Be that role model. If you want your kid to do something, first make sure you do it, too.
C. When your kid does something good, always praise that behavior. Kids need to be motivated, and they need positive feedback. Give them a big hug, or positive comments.
Kids want to be talked with like adults. Be upfront with them and tell them if you’ve had a tough day at work, or that you are concerned for their safety, that you are exhausted and so on.
- Continue to practice. If you yell at your kids whenever you feel angry, you have to practice a more healthy and positive behavior. Anger management is very important for parents. You can start doing sports or yoga, meditation, or write in a journal.
Verbal abuse is equally bad as physical abuse. So, never use yelling as a form of dealing with your kid. It can have damaging effects later in their life. Learning to manage your anger is constructive to both you and your kid.
Use these techniques for better parenting, and make your kid healthier and happier.